I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
