i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
