I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
how does that bad decision feel?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
