So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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