I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Semen is not good for contacts.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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