im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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