Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
