Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
