I skipped work to stalk him.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
