I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
