A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
