you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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