so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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