Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize