dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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