I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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