I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
