a search helicopter?!
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
