people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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