the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
