Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
