the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
