the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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