I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
