and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
