maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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