Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
