At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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