This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
