I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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