Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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