He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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