Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
