If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You are a genius and a whore.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
