My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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