I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
