I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
a search helicopter?!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
