i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
