your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize
