i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
