Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
