you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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