just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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