i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
