Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
