Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
