She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I think I just sharted jello shots
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
