So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
