I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
