I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
