My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
