well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
