You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
