All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
