Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
