he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
