I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
