Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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