Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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