need another drink. this is the easiest way
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
