She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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