My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
