I bet he comes in French.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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