I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
