No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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