Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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