a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My boob is missing a layer of skin
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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