and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Girls should come with a carfax report
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
